Spellbound!
by Anastasia Malfoy
Summary: Spellbound!, Hogwarts' no1 magazinge! Read about many many many juicy things including why Ginny is bashing the crap outa Draco, if McGonagol is DOING THE DIRTY with Snape and WHAT HERMOINE DOING WITH OLIVER WOOD AND MARCUS FLINT?!? All will be revealed!!
1. Spellbound! Prolouge

Disclaimer: same old, same old. I own nothing. But the plot/s. TO THE STORY!!!  
SPELLBOUND: PROLOGUE  
  
The day is Wednesday the 26th of March, The time is.who cares about the time, and it was a bright, sunny day at the Hogwarts Castle. But as with most happy days, there will always be something to make that happy day crap. And that something is me. Anastasia Malfoy, head reporter for the latest, greatest Hogwarts MAGAZINE!!!! When I heard my sister had started her own newspaper (the Hogwarts Prophet) I just HAD to open my own (and of course it had to be better) so here I am, writing the very first article for the very first page for the very first edition of the.  
  
Oh, right. My very [insert word of choice] twin (who was reading over my shoulder, I might add) has just told me that I should give the magazine a name first. Yeeeeeeeessssssss.I knew that.*cough*  
  
Well, what should I call it.?  
  
The Hogwarts Magazine ... no, too boring... W&W (WiTcHeS * wIzArDs) .W&W?!?! I'd prefer M&M's.yum Magic ............Magic?!?! We may as well call it Breathe Spellbound......... That's it! That's what I'll call it! Spellbound!  
  
*Sounds of crickets chirping in the background*  
  
Anyway, back to business. As I was saying before.  
  
The day is Wednesday the 26th of March, The time is.who cares about the time, and it was a bright, sunny day at the Hogwarts Castle. But as with most happy days, there will always be something to make that happy day crap. And that something is me. In the Slytherin Common Room, Draco and Ginny are fighting and screaming and throwing random curses at each other. But who cares about two hormone-driven teenagers with serious psychological problems? In the Potions classroom, Prof. McGonagal and Prof. Snape are pashing madly and doing something that may be described as de-virginating Prof. Mgonagol (a/n does anyone know how to spell her name?!?!) if it didn't look like 2 sumo-wrestlers (think fat bastard) trying to squish each other. But that thought is so mind-boggingly, life-threateningly DISGUSTING that if I look again I'll be locked in therapy for the rest of my life. So we'll come back to them later. Cause' this is where the goss is. This is the juicy stuff. Prepare yourself, because what I'm about to tell you will change lives, alter your state of mind and deter the way you look at life forever!!!  
  
(Crickets chirping in the background.again. huge yawn heard)  
  
OK, maybe it isn't THAT good. But I'm gonna tell u it ANYWAY. Wait for it... In the Griffindor Quarters, in the Head Girl bedroom to be exact, Hermoine Granger is currently involved in a very steamy threesome with Oliver Wood and Marcus Flint. MOTHER!!!! (A/n: I know in Autumns fic Hermoine was with Draco, but I have the majority of the Malfoy jeans!!! I mean.. Genes.You get me. I'M EVIL!!! I DESTROY LIVES!!! I WRECK HAVOC!!!! Ok, I think you get the picture.)  
  
Anyway, now that you have heard this months "scandals, here are my reports/articles/call-them-what-you-will on each of them. Happy Reading!!!  
  
-Anastasia Malfoy  
  
What did you think? Is it worth it for me to keep writing??? Please review and tell me what you think!!!!! If you didn't get what I said about Autumn ill explain now: Autumn is my twin sister. She wrote a fic called "The Hogwarts Prophet" and it was sorta the same as mine. After I read it, I decided I could do one that was BETTER!!! MWAHAHA!!! Yes, anyway, hope you get it now. PLEASE REVIEW!!!! 


	2. Spellbound! Article One the Jerry Sprin...

Disclaimer: Same as before. If you don't know what it was before THEN GO BACK AND READ IT.Moving on.  
  
Thankyou to all the fabulous people that reviewed! I love you all! (Even though at the moment its only 4 people..)  
  
Spellbound! - Article One- the Jerry Springer Show  
  
Anastasia Malfoy here with Article one of the very first edition of Spellbound! Magazine! Today's article is about Ginny Weasley and Draco Malfoy. As I told you in the introduction, they are fighting (to put it bluntly). So to get them to sought out their differences *cough* I've sent them to the one person who knows how to do that best.Jerry Springer!!! We'll cross over right now to ma good friend JERRY!!!  
  
(At the Jerry Springer Show)  
  
Audience: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!  
  
Jerry: Hello and welcome to today's episode of the Jerry Springer Show! (Applause) Today's topic is "My boyfriend cheated on me with his enemy". In the studio today we have Miss Virginia Weasley. Ginny, would you like to explain your problem to us?  
  
Ginny: Thankyou Jerry. Well, it all started when I was reading this month's issue of The Hogwarts Prophet (a/n: you owe me autumn.Anyway, moving on.) when I saw an article about my boyfriend Draco and my best friend Hermoine making out in a closet. I went and asked Draco if it was true (starts crying) and he said it was! I mean, hes my frigging boyfriend for god's sake. He shouldn't do shit like that! So then we got into this massive argument and stared throwing stuff at each other and.. Then this girl walked in on us and brought me here (a/n moi). So, yeah.  
  
Jerry: (puts on Dr. Evil voice) rrriiiigghhhtt.Well anyway lets bring on the god which all of the earth revolves around, Draco Malfoy!! (Stares at cards) who the hell wrote that?  
  
Anastasia: Sorry, that was me. I couldn't resist.  
  
Jerry: Moving on.Bring on Draco!  
  
(Draco casually walks in, making the whole of the female population of the audience (yes, including the 70 yr old grandmas) drool.. Well, all except Ginny..)  
  
Ginny: (runs at Draco and starts bashing the crap outa him) YOU BITCH!!!!!  
  
Draco: Whoa!!! (Starts getting the crap bashed outa him)  
  
(Security guards run on and (after recovering from their fits of laughter) drag Draco and Ginny apart. Ginny and Draco then go and sit down as far away from each other as possible)  
  
Jerry: So, Draco, would you like to explain what happened with you and Ginny.  
  
Draco: SHE BASHED THE CRAP OUTA ME!!  
  
Jerry: No, not just then you dope, the other night! Draco: Oh. Well, Ginny came running into the Slytherin Common Room and starts yelling some crazy crap about Hermoine and me in a closet. At least I think that's what she was saying.She was screaming so loud it sounded like an elephant that just had a coconut shoved up its ass.  
  
Ginny: And you would no what that sounds like, wouldn't you?  
  
Audience: (laugh)  
  
Jerry: Is it true that you were "getting it on" in a closet with Hermoine, Draco?  
  
Draco: Can I use a lifeline?  
  
Jerry: How bout no you crazy Dutch bastard (a/n: sorry, I'm obsessed with Goldmember at the moment)  
  
Ginny: hes Dutch?  
  
Jerry: Just answer the question, Draco.  
  
Draco: Fine. Yes, I did.  
  
Ginny: YOU BITCH!!! (Resumes bashing the crap out of him.and fails. A few minutes later after much screaming, Ginny and Draco were back in their seats)  
  
Jerry: Well, now that that's out in the open lets welcome Hermoine to the stage!  
  
(Hermoine walks in and Draco runs over to her and starts pashing her madly. Ginny tries to get up to (you guessed it) bash the shit outa them, so the security guard holds her back.. I no that sounds boring but hey, he cant sit on her, can he?) (Hermoine goes and sits next to Draco)  
  
Jerry: So, Hermoine, presuming your story is pretty much the same as Draco's, do you have anything to add?  
  
Hermoine: Actually yes, I do, thankyou Jerry. I'm pregnant!  
  
(Ginny faints.after trying to bash the crap outa them and failing. Draco and Hermoine resume pashing. A single spotlight shines on Jerry)  
  
Jerry (Final Thought): Well that's all we have time for today, folks. To skip a few years into the future, Hermoine and Draco had 2 lovely daughter (twins!!) and their names were (you guessed it) Anastasia and Autumn Malfoy! (a/n: The more perceptive of you MAY realise that that's my sister and me..) Ginny got with Blaise (male) to get back at Draco and in the end everyone lived HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!! We have learned one thing from today's show, though. Never let a new reporter who wears mini skirts, BoyToy tops with butt-length blonde hair interfere with your life. I don't know WHY but it just makes sense.I think.So until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other. God Bless. 


	3. Spellbound! Truth or Dare

Hi yall! Sorry I haven't updated for awhile! Ive decided to involve my fabulous readers in my story so If you feel really kind and want to help me out, I have a few questions to ask you all. Here goes: 1.If you were playing a game of Truth or Dare, what dares would u give and what truth questions would u ask? 2.Who are some HP characters (and characters from real life/other books if u wish) you think should join this little game? (give details e.g. Name, DOB, house, hair colour, u no the deal) 3.Do you have any suggestions for my story/mag/call-it-what-u-will?  
  
Just post ur answers in a review (if that makes sense). THANKYOU!!!! Kisses & hugs, Anastasia 


	4. Spellbound! Article 2 Truth or Dare

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except for some of the dares and stuff like that. Some of the characters I used in this story belong to other people: Thanx to Devin Jamie Pickrell, The Sweet New Zealander, meezajajabinks, Autumn Malfoy, Kelly, Spidy, hArRy-PoTtEr-FaNaTiC, Sanquine and Spider Fairyz for reviewing so far, especially he ones who's dares, truths and characters I used. U guyz rock! I do not own Harry Potter (all things related to hp belong to J.K Rowling) as I don't own The Rocky Horror [picture] Show (which belongs to Richard O'Brien).  
  
*~* Start of Article *~*  
  
On one particularly happy and cheerful spring day where all of the students were out frolicking in the flowers, Professor McGonagol was sitting in her office doing paperwork and being boring. As usual. Well, she was until Professor Snape came in..  
  
"McGonalgall" Snape hissed as he skidded into McGonagalls office, "There are students out of bed. There all in the Great Hall...." "Severus, it's not night. Therefore, they cannot be out of bed," McGonagall interrupted.  
  
Anastasia: Ok, that just screwed the entire plot THANKYOU FOR BEING SUCH A PLOT WRECKER MCGONAGAL!!! Anyway, its nothing I can't fix.. (Snaps fingers and it turns from day to night). NOBODY can beat Anastasia Malfoy..Continuing...  
  
And it was just then that Prof. Snape said a very Un-Prof. Snape-ish type of thing to say... "Hahahahha it is night u suck!!!" he said sticking his tongue out at Mgonagal (I have no idea how to spell her name..) "That was a very un-prof. Snape-ish thing to say" she spat at him, stating the obvious.  
  
Anastasia: Getting on with it now...  
  
"Well let's just go and evict the stupid buggers shall we?" McGonagall said. "Fine" said Snape.  
  
So they walked on down to the Great Hall only to find Harry, Ginny, Fred, George, Ron, Draco, Hermoine, Pansy, Cho and many more pplz playing truth or dare on top of the Griffindor house table.  
  
"What is the meaning of this?!?" Prof. Snape and Prof. McGonagol both said (at the same time, if it wasn't obvious), causing the students to laugh. "Were playing truth or dare" Cho explained, "Would you like to join in?"  
  
Anastasia: Uh-oh, death glares all around...  
  
For a few minutes afterwards, the players were glaring at Cho, Cho was glaring at me, the Profs. Were glaring at the players and I was glaring at the ceiling for even coming in the first place. This went on for a few minutes until suddenly.  
  
"OK, we'll play" McGonagol said all of a sudden. So her and Snape went and sat on the Griffindor table and the game continued as it was before they came.  
  
UNTIL NOW.  
  
The doors of the great hall suddenly swung open, making all of the players look up. A guy's silhouette appeared, he pressed a button and Barbie Girl by Aqua started playing. "WRONG SONG, DUMBASS!!!" A girl who sounded like Autumn screamed. In fact, it was Autumn. Moving on.  
  
Anyway, I think the guy fixed the error he had made, for soon after Eye of the Tiger started playing. The group moved out of the shadow and walked in the door. It was a big group of people, led by Autumn and Anastasia (moi). Behind Autumn and I were our boyfriends, Blake and James Potter, a blonde- headed Griffindor by the name of Devin Jamie Pickrell, Misteeq Amanda Windsor (another Slytherin that looked almost exactly like Autumn and myself), Juliet Rose Shebum (Autumns gothic best friend), and last but not least, Leo Malfoy, a far distant relative of mine who I have a major crush on (SSSHHH!!!). We all walked towards the table as the 1st verse started playing. Once we were seated, Harry was asked "Truth or Dare". "Dare" Harry replied bravely. With a wicked smile, Hermoine leaned in close to him. "I dare you to spend 5 minutes as Draco's boxers". The whole crowd burst out in fits of laughter, some even rolled off the table, while Draco and Harry sat in a stunned silence the whole time. "Excuse me?," Harry asked after awhile, "What did you just say" " I dared you to spend 5 minutes as Draco's boxers!" Hermoine told him between fits of laughter. Harry and Draco both stood on the table and started yelling and screaming and swearing and throwing random curses at Hermoine but before they could hurt her, I stood up and turned Harry into the pair of boxers that Draco was currently wearing. Everyone started rolling around laughing, and Draco suddenly looked very uncomfortable. He absentmindedly started tugging them off, but with a flick of my wand, I glued them to him. For our ultimate entertainment, I am now going to cross to Harry's POV to see what he is thinking of his, um, "experience"...  
  
Harry's POV  
  
Ok, this is really disturbing......what kind of dare is this anyway?!?......Ok, what's that smell?!....Ok, this is beyond a joke now....OOOOKKKKK........this is gross..OH GOD! Look at the size of him!.Lucky Bastard.....no wonder the ladies love him!...No, Harry, DON'T THINK THAT!!...He's a guy! He's your worst enemy....Oh God, maybe this isn't so bad after all.....  
  
*Bzzzz* (TIMER).  
  
Autumn turned Harry back into his, um, normal self. "OK, let's make this interesting" I said, "let's playback Harry's thoughts aloud for the crowd to hear!!" The crowds went wild, while Draco sat there looking disgusted and Harry looked like a deer caught in headlights. I 'broadcasted' his thoughts, and pretty soon, everyone was staring at him open- mouthedly...after they'd rolled around laughing, of course!  
  
"This is Big Brother" a weird disembodied voice boomed. "This weeks nominees are: Harry, Harry and Harry, meaning you, my gay friend have just had ur furry ass evicted. You have 20 seconds to leave the compound...20...19...."  
  
And so on and so forth. Everyone just sat there staring at Harry until finally he threw his hands up in frustration and left the building. "I never liked him anyway" Autumn and I said, "We'll get over it" Hermoine added. "OK, next dare" Leo said. "Fine then. Leo: Truth or Dare?" Autumn asked him. "dare" he replied, flashing me that drop dead gorgeous smile of his, making Blake fume with jealousy. "I dare you to open-mouth French Anastasia....for 10 minutes!!!" she said mischeviousley. "Happy to oblige" I said naughtily, walking up to him seductively.  
  
Autumn's POV  
  
Something tells me my sister is going to enjoy this dare. No, wait, let me rephrase that: Something is telling she IS enjoying this dare, since they have already, uh begun *cough* "pashing", to put it mildly. Blake, once again, is going absolutely crazy.  
  
*~* 10 minutes later...*~*  
  
OK, now they're doing something much, much, much more than pashing. I quickly apparated them into a nearby closet. So, considering as Ana is no longer, err, able to tell you the happenings of this game, I WILL!!! MWAHAHAH!!!  
  
Back to my (Anastasias) POV  
  
"I think NOT Autumn Rose Malfoy!!" I screamed at her, running out of the closet, my clothes sticking out at weird angles. "Anyway. Juliet, I believe it's your turn for a dare." "Actually Anastasia, I'm gonna go with Truth" Juliet replied. "Fine then. Juliet, would you ever dress up as a RHPS character and sing one of the songs from the show in front of a crowd of 1,000 people?" Ginny asked her. "Oh, um, ooh, shit, um, ah...yeah" Juliet answered quietly. The whole crowd roared, throwing themselves off the table. "That's disturbed!" Devin screamed in a fit of laughter. "What a freak!" Misteeq added. "I forgot about you 2" Autumn said, "Truth or Dare". "Dare!" they both shouted at the same time.. "Well, seeing as your both popular, I dare you to both play hand-clapping games for an hour non-stop!" Ron said proudly. "That is by far the lamest dare I have ever heard!" Devin exclaimed. "This is SO gonna ruin my rep!" Misteeq cried (a/n: I took that line from another truth or dare story that had Anastasia (moi) in it. Since it was the line I said, hopefully its ok. Yes, I do realize that that made no sense). "You're all against me!" Ron yelled. "No Shit" I added, pushing him out of the room. "Now that lame-ass wannabe Weasley has left the room, doe anyone wanna give these two a proper dare?" I asked, but the pair had (reluctantly) already started the hand- clapping games. Poor girls.  
  
*~* An Hour Later *~* Misteeq and Devin collapsed on the floor, waking up the crowd of players. "OK, Snape, Truth or Dare?" I yawned. "Dare" he drawled in reply. "OK, I'm daring him this time" Misteeq said, jumping up on the table. "Prof. Snape, I dare you to dress up as Dr. Frank -N- Furter from the Rocky Horror Picture Show and sing "Sweet Transvestite!!!" The whole crowd burst into applause and Snape looked like he wished the floor would swallow him up. Devin flicked her wand and suddenly, Snape was standing there in full-blown Frank gear: Heels, Corset, fishnet stockings, garters and make-up. SCARY SIGHT!!! The intro started playing and Snape seemed to loose his nerves. He actually began to act like Frank. I must tell you, this is really freaky..hopefully I'm going to get temporary amnesia some time soon..the first verse started playing, so Snape started singing.  
  
How'd' you do I  
  
See you've met my Faithful Handyman He's just a little bought down Because when you knocked He thought you were the Candy Man  
  
Don't get strung out by the way I look Don't judge a book by its cover I'm not much of a man by the light of day But by night I'm one hell of a lover  
  
I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Tran Sexual, Transyllvania  
  
Let me show you around Maybe play you a sound You look like your both pretty groovy Or if you want something visual That's not too abysmal We could take in an old Steve Reeve's movie  
  
Big Brother: I'm glad we caught you at home  
Can we use your phone?  
Were both in a bit of a hurry Big Sister: Right Big Brother: We'll just say where we are  
Then go back tot he car  
We don't want to be any worry  
  
So you got caught with a flat  
  
Well, how bout that Well babies don't you panic By the light of the night It'll all seem all right I'll get you a satanic mechanic  
  
I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Tran Sexual, Transyllvania  
  
Why don't you stay for the night? Big Brother: Night  
  
Or maybe a bite?  
  
Big Sister: Bite  
  
I could show you my favourite obsession  
  
I've been making a man With blonde hair and a tan And he'd good for relieving my..Tension  
  
I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Tran Sexual, Transyllvania  
  
Hit it Hit it I'm just a Sweet Transvestite (I'm just a Sweet Transvestite) From Tran Sexual, Transyllvania  
  
So, come up to the lab And see what's on the slab I see you shiver with antici..pation But maybe the rain Is ah really to blame So I'll remove the cause (Maniac laughter) but not the symptom  
  
The crowd blinked. Then they got really scared. Then they (suddenly) burst out in applause. But Frank/Snape was seductively walking towards McGonagol. "Shall we?" Snape/Frank asked, making her giggle uncontrollably. She pulled him down on top of her, which was possibly a bad idea, considering he was standing on the table in 6-inch heels. They both tumbled off the table. But that didn't stop them. They continued rolling around on top f each other. What they were doing vaguely resembled sumo-restlers squishing each other, but no, it was much worse than it appeared. In fact, if you looked really closely (which I was NOT) you could tell that they were, um, de-virginating each other. Once everyone realized this, they all ran from the room screaming.  
  
*~* End of Article *~*  
  
So, what did us think??? I had a severe headache when I wrote this, so sorry that some of the dares and such are massively crap. See yas next time!!! Hugz + Kissez, Anastasia Malfoy. 


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